The Test.

What a week on the bloke front. There are some weird and wonderful people out there! As Nige would say, I have probably dated most of them! As you know I have had a great time with Mr Hotelier over the last couple of weeks but he is so raw from his last relationship that I cannot see any future there. What a lovely guy.

The messages keep coming in and I keep doing the 'read and delete' thing on most of them. This seems cruel to those not, on the roller coaster that is Internet dating.... Trust me on this... it is far better to 'read and delete' than face the terrible insults or arrogance that follow a negative reply.

I think I must be fussy. Perhaps I am too demanding, too honest, too vociferous? My problem is that I see things in black and white and very little of my life is viewed through 'rose tinted glasses'. Mr S has an inordinate ability to think outside the box and I so wish I could achieve that without struggling through a lot of unnecessary spam in the first place!

After replying to a mail from a guy that looks suitable, I usually have a bit of banter, via email, with the him and then I phone. I am never, ever nervous about these phone calls. I have always had a decent telephone manner and to me it is nothing to worry about. I suppose I am guilty of thus;

Does he have an awful Dudley accent? What does he do? Can he speak for five minutes without swearing? Does he know what a book is? Whatever his age, is he reasonably presented and fairly fit? Is he wearing a football shirt, if so he is dust! Likewise tattoos etc....

Actually that last comment is unfair as photographs do not capture the essence of a person and rarely give you a true insight. So conversation happens and then they have to pass 'The Test'.

'The Test' is obviously a very scientific process which has been thought up by me. It is a list of Do's and Dont's......

Do not call me 'hun' via text!
Do not LOL via text!
Do not 'Laugh Your Ass Off' via text!
Do not send me kisses, babes or smileys via text, this right has to be earned.
Do not shorten more than one word via text.
Do not send below the waist pictures.
Do not ask me to MSN or send below the waist pictures!

Do drive at least 35 miles from home in order to meet me for lunch at a decent pub.
Do have nice manners, be comfortable in the pub and take the lead as far as seating menus etc....go.
Do smell nice and make an effort, whatever your style.
Do try and concentrate on me and not on your divorce/wayward kids.
Do Please ..... be reasonably intelligent.
Do offer to pay for my lunch but know that I am perfectly capable of paying for it myself.


Oh bloody hell, have I really turned into a spoiled stampy monster....or was I always one? Seriously though, I am horribly jaded at the moment and am pondering on letting my hair go grey, wearing stylish granny slippers and a TV blanket in which you have 'handy' pockets to store the TV remotes and your knitting.....

The experience I have had this week has only encouraged me to pursue this plan. I was contacted by a hot 32 year old Army guy and I politely declined. He asked me to at least speak to him. I am such a softy for a sob story...and so I had a chat to him. We had much the same background, but I was painfully aware, there wasn't much between his ears. Ouch!...get me! Honest he was a bit of a plank but very sweet, so I thought, okay I will meet him for lunch and then he will see I am not for him as I had already had one stalker and had no wish to encourage another.

Wrong move! There followed a series of painful texts, asking me for directions, postcode, mileage, timings (twice!)and I had to rant down the phone to Mr S.
"You really shouldn't encourage poor young guys that do not know any better. You would slaughter the bloke" he said gleefully. Put it this way, I got no sympathy there!

After lots of patient and protracted texts giving him directions, he finally bottled out. He had to, apparently see his brother in hospital.... Phew..I was pretty relieved and told Mr S so. "Nah" he snorted "you scared the pants off him and he ran away, vowing to never look at another woman again...."

With friends like that......?

Be Kind to each other

Muse x