Are The British a nation of 'Fakers'!

This blog has become a bit 'mumsy' of late and whilst my kids are a big part of my life they are not the whole of me. I wanted to talk about sex and what people out there actually want. I wonder if I can do that in a lady like manner, very much doubt it, but I'll give it a go. Those of you just about to eat your dinner may look away now!

A lot of women (and men) read magazines, most of which are full of hype about 'how to turn her on' or 'how to satisfy him' and I wonder how many of these articles are actually written by real people. I strongly suspect that they are penned by bored journalists trying to spice up the cover and increase circulation figures. Failing that we are a nation of FAKERS!

In my experience, lets just say that (oh god, how do I put this delicately) the average bloke only knows which way is up and which way is down! Feck it, (to steal the words of another) pass me the shovel! Actually, todays man is a poor confused soul who has to live up to the expectations and desires of an entirely selfish, dominant female press. Likewise, todays female has had words like G Spot and Orgasm drilled into her mercilessly until she actually believes the hype.

So lets start with Mr Metro sexual/modern/in touch with my feminine side (I bloody hate that phrase) man...whatever you want to call him. These guys are full of their own bravado, telling you, they are fantastic in bed and really know how to turn a woman on. Really? Erm...I don't think so. I have to say that when you come across a 'bragger'. leave him alone and move on! They think they know which side is up but rarely do and will disappoint you and leave you wondering why? you let him into your bed in the first place!

Then you get the kind and caring romantic guy, who promises to treat you gently, with love and care. Ummm... no thanks to that one as well guys, sex is a primal urge, an emotive, passionate act between two people, not a flipping scene from a cheesy Hollywood Movie.

Okay lets try and balance this out a bit. The females have a lot to answer for too! Whilst they are, generally not as vociferous in their sexual exploits as the male of the species ,I have to ask a scary question, scary because I am ducking low to avoid the insults coming my way! How many of you girls out there a responsible for FAKING it? Come on own up, the members of the 'oh, if I fake it, he'll just get it over with' club. Well, ladies, you are the reason so many guys are crap in the sack! See.. told you it was impossible to talk about this in a demure manner!

What happens is he spends about seven and a half minutes on foreplay, she fakes it and he thinks he is a sex god. Not good! You can forgive the poor guy for not being able to understand how to please her in bed. Oh that terrible phrase 'please her', actually I thought sex was a two way thing.

This brings us neatly to what is known as the 'Catch 22' situation. You're darned it you do and darned if you don't! I am sooo...not going to discuss my sexual leanings with you but I think the best policy to adopt is throw all Sad Mags away and bloody be honest! We are supposed to be grown ups but alas my name is not Dr Ruth and I can barely find my own way through the sexual minefield that is the modern dating world, but I am sure as hell going to stop talking about it and try and find someone who agrees with me!

What do men really want?

I read back my blog of yesterday and it seemed a little unkind to the male of the species. I wanted to let you know that I am not a feminist or man hater, just a bewildered female who wonders what is it todays man really wants?

I am not going to go into the 'men have lower levels of testosterone' debate here as its all been done before, and besides I can't be arsed to do the research. I talked about certain men yesterday but not what I had come to realise by dabbling in the world of dating. I have been single for a while so perhaps I tend to see the bigger picture. Or maybe it is that I am severely paranoid and should proceed to the nearest mental health unit, without passing GO!

I wonder if women out there realise how many men on these sites are actually married and looking for 'extras'. For instance, there are the guys I call the Web Cam Wan****. You start mailing and they ask for your MSN address. Oh he sounds nice, I say to myself, adding him and inviting him to talk to me. The conversation starts normally enough and then the smutty questions pop up. This quickly disintegrates into a full on get your kit off and put your web cam on.

I must admit to have been caught twice like this (erm... not with my kit off you understand) and the second time it happened I was so angry. I was furious, not just with him but with myself for being so stupid! I wasn't going to take this, I was going to teach this guy a lesson. He had given me bare details about his life and I put these together and found him and his wedding photos on line! I mailed him a picture of his wife and asked him if I could add her as a friend on FB. He panicked like a rabbit in the full glare of oncoming traffic, except he had the full wrath of a Muse to deal with. Being run over might have been the easier option! I had no intention of telling his wife, he would break her heart swiftly enough, of that I am sure but the grovelling apology that followed soothed my hurt pride.

So going back to the original question, what did he want. He had a stunning wife and yet he just had to have more cake. Why? Oh dear.. now I have another difficult question. Are men really naturally Polygamous? I thought perhaps that out society had knocked some of the natural selection urges out of our men but it seems not. Would we be happier in less structured relationships where the women just got on with it and the man responded to his primal urges, or somewhere down the line did I lose my ability to be romantic?

I suppose I ought to balance this out. Not every man is made that way, some are perfectly content to be in a monogamous relationship. Questions whizz around my head again. If they are content, does that mean that they are the guys that have lost their ability to choose the right partner? Are they unable to smell her, touch her and think, yes she is the right one for me? Are some men more sexually orientated than others?

That is what I think. You are either a sexual person or not. You either adore it or tolerate it. If a man has a partner who's sex drive does not match his then it is a recipe for trouble. I remember asking a male friend of mine what drove him to constantly 'check out' women walking past. 'Welcome to a mans world' was his reply. He admitted it wasn't actually a conscious thing. It was just something he did.

So here we are back to the age old, 'difference of the sexes' argument. But any woman that wants to hide behind the, 'my man is a new man and would never do that' is in denial. For many men it all boils down to sex but for a lot of women, who are used to multi tasking and filing things away to deal with later, it is foremost about emotional capability and sex second.

I also wanted to talk about letting blokes be blokes. Now this is about all of us women that, once they have a partner want to change him to suit their ideal. I have been that woman and have learned my lesson, the hard way. At the grand old age of 45 I have finally realised that it is far easier to (within reason) let a man be himself and put up with his little foibles and idiosyncrasies. After all you fell in love with him when he was just being himself. The control freak in me has finally learned not to question such things and let him get on with it. Whatever it is, football, socks on the floor, inability to remember anniversaries, put the cat out etc..etc... I have realised that some close girlfriends have such successful relationships because they accept him for who he is.

This blog tonight was supposed to be funny but my busy brain took over as usual. No doubt (if anyone reads this) I may get a few sparky questions but that's good, I want people to think, to pull themselves away from the green eyed monster (TV) and engage brain.

As for me, I will plod on with the dating game and try and keep an open mind. I need to remember that whilst I have had a few disasters, not all guys are the same and as long as I remain alert, I may actually find someone compatible with me.