This Blog has been a long time coming and recent changes to Facebook mean that I have to get it out of my system so here goes.... WARNING! Some of this is funny but some of it may make you squirm!
A is for Affairs of The Heart and all the angst and fall out they cause. There is actually a website called Facebook Cheating.com . According to The Telegraph, 1 in 5 affairs are conducted through Facebook. Now, I'm not going to preach to you because I was one of those statistics. I am single and he was very married. An old school friend, yeah, I know, but this was a few years back. I really thought he was a decent person. But Keith (and you are very lucky I don't mention your full name on here) was a pathological liar, shoplifter and collector of sexual diseases. He was sleeping with several women and was obviously too stupid to understand the term 'safe sex' because he managed to give his long suffering wife genital warts. Luckily I managed to extricate myself from the situation before I was exposed to any nasties. His wife likes to comment on my Blog from time to time, putting the blame firmly at my door. Blame? and you still want him love? My only regret is losing a lovely girlfriend because of his lies. If you're going to do it, then don't! It really isn't worth the fall out.
B is for Bejewelled Blitz .This is one of the most addictive games known to man and has ruined my life, it is more addictive than crack. I can give it up (she says sniffing into her sleeve), I can beat it and I CAN remain top of the leaderboard no matter what it takes! Bejewelled is something you play with your friends. In fact, I am so friendly on it that I never share points and tie my son to the bed until he gives in and sends me at least 10 lots of points via his FB account. I have also been known to withold food until he agrees!
C is for CIA or Intelligence Agencies thereof; Yes it IS true. The CIA/FBI/GCHQ/POLIS.... are all reading your posts, in fact they think it's their birthday. They love Social Networking Sites and cannot believe their luck that all this information just dropped into their laps. I have a guy on my timeline who works in Afghanistan and regularly posts his flight details and locations. Hilarious! Bet he isn't going to get promoted anytime soon. Yes! Big Brother is watching you. Now behave :)
D is for Drunk When I was a few years younger I used to phone girlfriends/exes/whoever when I had, had far to much of the Pink stuff. Then I progressed to texting, that was terrific fun and now.... Hmmm, well I think we have left the one dimensional phone/text scenario behind in favour of Social Networking.
Step One - Have far too much of the wet stuff, get bored with the crap on Telly and Log on.
Step Two - Look at all your friends profiles in a Stalkerish manner and leave inappropriate comments on their photos.
Step Three - Enter Facebook Chat at 3 a.m and talk a large load of rubbish to people you hardly know.
Step Four - Pass out and wonder, upon waking, why you are nose down on your keyboard and have 57 notifications and 18 messages in your inbox!
If you are planning a heavy night then I strongly suggest that you unplug the 'pute and disable the router!
E is for Editing Always ensure that you understand a Facebook post/comment cannot be removed. Perhaps you have just commented and made a really bad typo such as "I thought your brother was a Wanker" (replace the W with a B). Lawksamighty, you are understandedly mortified. So, it's been 20 seconds since you posted and luck has it that you have spotted your horrendous typo. 'Phew, I'll just delete it and repost' you mutter to yourself. WRONG! Every single person with a smartphone has just read your comment, in all its glory and it's only the poor saps on a PC that are wondering what the joke is about! Think! before you press that magic Enter button!
F is for Facebook The Great God Facebook has become our new religion. Some statistics for you. Facebook has over 800 million users and apparently the average user has roughly 130 friends. It's that six degrees of separation thing that fascinates me. Imagine my feelings when I managed to track down some 30 odd school friends. For those that have lived in the same town all their lives, this may be no big deal. But for me, a Donut Child (forces brat) and then an Army wife, constantly on the move, it brought a whole new dimension to my life. We all attended so many schools that I never thought I would ever see any of my friends again. Facebook has given me an enormous amount of pleasure, a smidge of grief and I think I would cry if they closed down my FB account. My father, being ex-GCHQ, shudders at the mention of FB and refuses to pose for photos if he knows I am going to post them. He is, of course, right to be wary. Social Networking is in it's infancy and only time will tell whether the information we post on our walls/timelines will be available to prospective employers/insurance companies. Note to self - Think about what you post.
G is for Girlfriends Or for that matter Friends as I already did F above! You may think that you should count all those on your wall as friends but you (and I) are sadly wrong. Many of us have subdivisions of our friends which are as follows.
a) Stalker - a person who is always on FB, has their laptop constantly by their side and comments on everything. They love to 'copy and paste' irritating messages and threaten to break your legs if you do not follow suit! This person also likes to share their entire back catalogue of fave You Tube Videos with you. You are one click away from deleting them but a perverse fascination makes you continue.
b) Friends that share nothing, only pop up once in a blue mooon and you find yourself grinding your teeth and willing them to share a bit more so you can be nosy.
c) Family members, such as older children. Only kept for their ability to curb your wild side and ensure you keep in touch with Great Aunt Batty.
d) Interesting and semi famous people who you love to have on your wall as you need the street cred they provide.
e) And finally, those that make you smile, post interesting and thoughtful comments or you fancy the pants off them and.....FB comes full circle!
Just remember if you have more 'friends' than you can count on the fingers of one hand, you are horribly deluded!
Thats it for tonight. More to follow soon.
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