I am struggling with Donut Child (yet again) as I worry my daily life and thoughts may be too boring to share with you, consequently I do not blog as often as if I was writing this as a private memoir. I was inspired to write tonight having just watched a programme on BBC4 entitled 'Dear Diary'.
The programme explored some famous diarists and questioned their ability to be honest within their private journals. It made me question my own capability. Did I censure my own writing, pre blog, or did I let it run free? I have to say, it is much easier to write for oneself than to share with others, but nowhere near as exciting. Yeah! vanity publishing it is but then, oh bugger and double bugger, I have opened a real can of worms now and as tired as I am, must carry on.
I have explored this before, as has my blogger friend Mr S. He tried to make me realise, at the time of his blog, that even my private handwritten journals, would be read by someone, during my lifetime or posthumously. I was having none of it at the time. My wonderful excuse for blogging publicly was my broken elbow, can't write for very long you see....
After watching the programme and thinking back on my conversations with Mr S on this, I can only conclude that he (as per bloody usual) is spot on. I really felt, in my heart that my journals, were for my eyes only and would only be read after my death. To be brutally honest, whilst they provided me with a great sense of comfort and solace at the time of writing and the joy of revisiting them, they now represent a huge threat to my privacy. Sitting there, little ticking time bombs. I guard them jealously, if I lose one down the back of the sofa etc...I lie awake at night trying to remember where I left the damn thing. Right! Time to pull my socks up, invest in a lock box, complete with booby traps, vile curses and a bit of voodoo for good measure and put them away. Perhaps, then I can give my full attention to Donut Child.
Problem is, Donut Child has its own dilemmas. I desperately wanted this to be a big piece of shining honesty, much like myself. I am often described as being too honest by my family of Southerners and blunt but 'made that way' by those North of the border.
Mr S, encouraged me to create another blog, to be totally honest about the darker (but infinitely more interesting) side of me. I have failed miserably and have shelved it for the time being. I know why I have failed. I SHARED and maybe I can do that to a certain extent with Donut Child but a hard lesson has been learned. Some of me, must be kept, ONLY for me.
I hope to find a solution by being more honest on Donut Child and creating another blog, for my eyes only. Having said all that, I love, love, love blogging, reading others and being part of a fantastic blogging community. Who needs TV, there are so many interesting people out there, all writing down their thoughts, hopes and dreams. Even if one person reads your words, its is a massive blast and everyone should do it. It does not matter about your written word, grotty grammar or perilous punctuation, if it helps you to see a place more clearly, then that is what Blogging is all about.
Happy New Year to all you readers and fellow bloggers.... take a deep breath and enjoy the ride that is 2010!
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