Let It Be...

I am reflecting tonight on Christmas past and looking forward to Christmas present...spending it with family. For the first time in twenty years I am not going to have to cook or lay a table, my daughter will shoulder that responsibility. I am so thankful for that but I also feel oddly redundant and find myself gazing longingly at material to make a cloth and napkins (something I do every year), worrying about how I should cook the Turkey, butter and bacon or apricots and apples? Polishing glasses, heating plates, juggling cutlery and spending a whole evening on the table centre. I am very unsettled by this.

My blog has always been pretty honest and I hope you will understand that what I am about to write doesn't just have a negative side, I do not feel sorry for myself but I am so frustrated at the moment at not being able to 'DO'.

Many of you know that I smashed and dislocated my elbow on the 6th of March. I ended up as a guest of the Royal Cornwall for 11 days, having two ops and a lot of physio. I haven't told the full story on this blog, so here goes.

I had been doing housework (ha, ha, ha...says my mother) and had just dashed up the stairs to empty the dryer. I also suffer with various forms of anaemia (3 at the last count) and felt very dizzy, whilst dumping said drying on bed...in fact I fainted. Came to, looked at strange shaped elbow, brain sent an urgent signal that read 'phones are downstairs, both of the buggers'. Foot hit bottom step, pain kicked in and luckily I managed to dial 999 before I was too incoherent. I spent at least 30 minutes abusing Paramedics until they got enough entonox and morphine in me to shut me up. Note I was still yelling as I was wheeled into resus (how DO you spell that?)

I vaguely remember begging a nice Doc for pain relief, who said she could not give me any more as she was a little worried about my BP and heart rate. Nice Doc then proceeded to try and put my elbow back in....twice. Luckily I passed out again and she felt sorry for me and administered lots of narcotics. No Pasenada, Eneshi Problema....just one of those bad judgements in life I guess! I really think my Ma (who was watching at the time) needed it more than I!

Big, complicated, very talented surgeon was very busy in the smoke so I waited 5 days with an unstable elbow for him to fly into exotic Newquay. During that time I had great fun abusing Ortho ward nurses (feck! they are made of stern stuff!) as apparently I get punchy on the morphine! Some Ortho nurses were great, others, you could hit over the head with a plank and they would not even blink! My surgeon, a Mr Wilson was three 'F,s' great, in fact he was the 'Puppy's Privates'. He gave me a new plastic elbow with lots of movement. I am struggling badly with the strength thing. I am left handed, guess which one I broke? Oh... and only one person in the whole world understood my pain, the legendary Mr John Hunter, thank you.

So to Christmas Past, I am the one that cooks, hand sews a cloth, wraps presents and writes cards. Now, I am afraid, I have sent barely any Christmas cards and even those have been a struggle to write. Forgive me if you have a 'missed' card from me this year. But I have to 'Let It Be'.

I still have a few molehills to climb. No matter, a lot of people out there will spend Christmas without their loved ones, some personal friends and of course the families of the brave boys serving overseas. Time to think of them.

Muse x