Forgive my lack of contact recently but I have been pole axed by a nasty kidney infection and and unable to Blog. The antibiotics they gave me were as toxic as the infection and one dark night in the wee small hours I feared I may depart this earth. I survived the night and the antibiotics. Funny how you think the worst in the middle of the night, but I had good reason with a temperature of a 104 and a teeth chattering 15 minutes every hour. Thank god for modern medicine.
I had intended to travel up to the land of the Magic Roundabout to see Penfold, last week but wasn't able to until yesterday. As you know my car has been cubed and I am a couple of weeks from getting a new banger on the road, so the delights of the coach beckoned.
Now coach travel would be all very well if it wasn't for the other passengers. My first change was Plymouth and being a girl I am incapable of travelling light. One large pink bag, one small black bag, one very full handbag, check...don't forget the arm guard in case some idiot decides to smack into bad arm. I had booked assistance with my bags but there was little evidence of this at Plymouth. A guy carrying a very small rucksack, sidled up to me at Plymouth. 'Oh Lord, please save me from the nutter,' I prayed. 'Are you going to Bristol' said he. 'Yes ' I muttered, wanting to run and hide but being unable to move as could not lift bags at my feet. The coach pulled in and the nutter looked at my bags, my arm guard and buggered off to get on the coach. It seems that Chivalry, even from nutters, is well and truly dead. Failing this I am old and unable to flutter my eyelashes in the same way at the opposite sex as I used to, which is probably more the case. It seems I have become 'invisible woman'. This does not grieve me nearly as much as I thought it would. I am secure enough to know that if I wanted male attention, I could have it at anytime, but it would be the entirely the wrong kind of attention!
Then I had to endure three hours of people yattering on their mobile phones,talking freely about their personal lives...and I mean personal! I suppose this begs the question, what am I doing Blogging into Cyberspace if not that...? I had posted on FB that morning that I was off to the land of the Magic Roundabout and hearing my shiny new Blackberry ping, I read a response from Tricia Cole, a Donut Child currently living the dream in Cyprus. 'Is that the Magic Roundabout in Larnaca, the one named by the soldiers for all the brothels on it?' she enquired. 'No', I typed grumpily, it's the one in Swindon...' Actually this was a well timed and very funny comment as sat behind me were two of Thailand's finest, discussing (pardon the pun) their game plan for a night out in Bristol.!
Changing at Bristol I got help with my bags, which was terrific and much appreciated. The journey got ever more suffocating with a mixture of perfumes, aftershaves and warm bodies. Ewww, am I too precious do you think? But really! it will take more than two quid a litre to get me out of my car, she says. At Chippenham the driver got lost and asked if anyone knew the way to Swindon Bus Station. We were running half an hour late, with Penfold still refusing to switch his mobile on (more of that in another Blog). Getting increasingly grumpy, I consulted the Oracle Blackberry and lo and behold a bloody map and directions. Donut Child took charge as 35 other passengers were surgically attached to their mobiles and dribbling with a glazed look on their faces by this stage. I gave the driver clear directions and sat with him for most of the way. I had to return to my seat to attend to the urgent matter of lipstick and hair fluffing as meeting Penfold was imminent. I thought it was imminent but NO! cretin of coach driver got lost as he is of the male variety, cannot take directions and finds it impossible to stop and ask. I wouldn't have minded except that we had just sailed past a bloody great sign saying 'bus station'.
Bugger, bugger, bugger. A stressful journey but I arrived in one piece and am now sat in Penfold's garden with a glass of wine as I write this. So learn a lesson from this - coach travel may be cheap but it is also loathsome, inconvenient, full of nutters and strange smelling people and you will be ready to hold the driver up at gunpoint at some point during the journey.
Be Careful out there.
Muse x
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