Musings.....

I have just got off the phone to an old friend. He is older than me and his take on life is much more positive than mine. I am in a negative place at the moment, barely sleeping, thinking too much and feeling rather bloody sorry for myself. He had me in fits of laughter about my woes...why? because he is in a great place at the moment and leads by example.

We were talking about kids climbing trees. At the age of 9 I could skin up a tree like a monkey, I would lead all of my siblings up an 80 ft tree to their death...or at least very nearly.  I would shout at them and make them climb until they were so scared I would have to go up and rescue them.

In adult life, my siblings have become fearless and the older I get, the more fearful I am of life.  I am bemused by this but understand my problem. It is my arm that stops me, also anaemia. It does not mean that I want to hide away. I have become nervous in my old age. Too bloody fearful. It is time I pulled myself out of my comfort zone, the trouble is I don't know how?

How do you rehabilitate a Donut Child? My love of life, danger, being impossible and never growing up is legendary.  I do not want to give in to fluffy slippers, hot flushes and reading the local paper. Nooooo! I need to break free, I want to break free.

I am soon to be 47 and whilst my age is not an issue, my body clock tells me it is.  Sorry about the moan but I am fed up with the arm. I cannot move furniture/clean windows/ get under something when you lose a coin.  I am so frustrated with the house and people that 'CAN'. I hate you all. Your smugness depresses me.

All I can seem to do now is talk to old friends, soothe them about their worries, talk to them honestly and make them believe in themselves.   I hope that I am doing something useful as I feel pretty useless at the moment.

Yours

Donut Child x