Apologies for my last ' I am feeling so sorry for myself ' post. I got hold of it, bit it's head off and decided that life was meant for living, not moaning. Get over it love! I have had a pretty full on day. Note to all - not moaning about it, just telling you how it went.
I went to the Doc's today as I have been feeling decidedly odd and have been having some mad night sweats and bonkers dreams. All these dreams are about horrible crying babies. They all look like Winston Churchill, are sick a lot, scream blue murder and make me shudder. I try my best to look after them but when I cannot soothe them, I look for an escape route! One of them is jumping on Water Ski's and skiing away! Hurrah!
Last week, I posted that I was desperate for sleep but the dreams have caused such a ripple, that whilst I am a poor sleeper, I have been waking up at odd hours, kicking off sweat soaked sheets...eeww and gasping for breath. Six dreams of six babies now. I told my long suffering Doc about this, along with other symptoms which are unmentionable on this Blog due to certain Male readers, and he gently explained to me that I was perhaps going through 'The Change'.
Why do we call it the change? Why don't we call it 'The Freedom'. This is where the argument actually falls down. Lets look at the evidence :-
1. Start to menstruate at anything between 11 and 15. Deal with embarrassing conversations with your Ma, struggle to put her 'top tips' into action.
2. Skive PE (or Phys Ed as it is now known) as often as possible as you are having your 'monthly'.
3. Grow up and when you feel able to, tackle the local GP and go on the pill. It makes you feel like an adult, even if you do not quite know what the 'S' word means yet.
4. Enjoy six months of erratic periods, acne, moods swings and bloating, compliments of the pill.
5. Meet someone wonderful, marry him. Enjoy your life together. Keep taking the pill and the moment you are posted abroad, get pregnant accidentally!
6. Have Number One Baby. Have hideous time with periods (I never understood that word as in America it means 'full stop') and finally cave in and go on the mini pill.
7. Get pregnant with Number Two Baby - completely unplanned as the mini pill is commonly known in Medical circles as 'shite'!
8. Have completely unplanned Post Natal Depression and see your GP. He prescribes Anti- Depressants and...yeah you guessed it - The Pill!
9. Spend years avoiding sex as you are scared of getting preggers again.
(Pause here to say how wonderful your Babies are despite all your hormonal problems).
10. Divorce due to lack of sex/ him being married to his career.
11. Meet new man on Tropical Island. Come off Pill and spend a frustrating year trying to get Preggers! Looking at every woman with pram/car seat/ designer baby in tow!
12. Get Pregnant! Hurrah! Have such a crap birth that you cannot go near a man again. Work it out between you both and survive.
13 Decide on three monthly 'stinger' injections to ensure you never have to give Birth again. Stinger jabs are Bliss! No Periods, No PMT and freedom for 10 years!
14. Finally enjoy and delight in your sex life.
15. Have wonderful, lovely, well meaning, good looking, sympathetic and trusted GP explain to you in his best bedside manner that you are possibly going through 'The Change'.
16. Think of what this means.................
Punch His Fucking Lights Out!
Can't say Namaste as I have been far too bad tonight!
Muse x
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