I have been very fortunate to visit Ascension Island three times. Not many people get to do that on HOLIDAY! My Dad was out there having fun on the Donuts expense account. A lovely girl called Jane Williams posted on the ASI Facebook page and was worried about serving a 3 year tour of ASI, accompanied by large centipedes and small children - aged 1 and 3 as I recall - the kids not the crawly things! I hope that I soothed her worries by asking if I could be her 'third child' I told her that the St Helenan's were wonderful, to check her bathroom carefully and to drink lots of shipwrecks! Perhaps not the greatest advice but honest I was sober there once, during my first visit....
I arrived on the great bird Tri Star, 16 weeks preggers with number one son. My Pa met me and I was shoved into a CSO nasty minibus, taken to English Bay (take note of this Jane) and introduced to a Moray Eel; a bit hot and stunned I was taken to The Exiles for lunch. Okay, Jane, that was the boring visit, where I spent a few weeks in hospital. I went into labour at 26 weeks and having no back up the Doc, Shubash sent me to sleep for about 4 days. My husband was somewhere in Norway for 4 months at the time and he could not speak to me because every time I woke up they fed me from The Galley, let me go for one 'wee' and sent me back to sleep. They realised that they had no 'back up' and decided that the only option was to send me to bed. My son James is now 23. Had I been in the UK at the time they would have left me alone and let me 'get on with it'. I was so lucky that I had a dedicated medical staff. By the way I got on the Tri Star at 16 weeks and got off it at 32 weeks. My hubby met me at Brize and nearly fainted at my size! Okay those were the 'Mummy Years. Time for the fun times! What follows is something published in THE ISLANDER on Friday 9th August 1996. Note to Jane...my parents were actually looking after my children at this time....
BACK TO ASCENSION - THE ISLANDER 1996
At last! Eight years on and I made it back to Ascension. Everyone on the plane thought I'd lost my marbles when, on final approach I jumped out of my seat and yelled 'Look its ASI...look, look its Ascension Island, we made it!' This is the person that needs four valium and a large vodka to even approach a plane! Ignoring strange looks and black mutterings from Falkland bound passengers, I scrambled over the poor soul who had endured my company for the last eight hours and was first off the plane.
I strode purposefully toward the Terminal, waving madly and making a complete spectacle of myself. I did however, resist the urge to kneel down and kiss the ground. 'Come on Chaps it's through here' I said , as I led all passengers into a 'no go' area. Running 'smack bang' into a very stern RAF chap, who said I should return quietly to the arrivals lounge or he would break out the emergency sraight jacket! Little did I know that the last time I had visited the island my dad had broken all the rules and met me at the gate..... I was soon surrounded by friends and family, dragged into Mrs Miggins for a cuppa, bundled into the 'I make you car sick machine' (read that as Lada Cossack) and driven at high speed..25 miles per hour to Two Boats.
I couldn't believe how green the Island had got since my last visit, but was soon to find out that the lovely green bits were in fact a secret military weapon the Mexicans had sent in place of Chili Con Carne. Ouch! That stuff hurts when you fall into it! I had forgotten about the friendly but dangerous habit of waving to everyone that you pass. I should point out that this is only dangerous when you drive a Lada Cossack! The scenery once again took my breath away and I kept pinching myself to make sure I was not dreaming! Lunch at The Exiles, a quick power nap and a wander round to explore. So many friendly and familiar faces (the Donkeys I mean). I was amazed to see how little had changed.
The next night I was introduced to The Senior Mess, where I found a lot of people whispering about Bar Chits. Bar chits are really rather wonderful, you put your name on a piece of paper and a nice man gives you a drink. Shipwreck is the alternative term I believe. Apparently my sister had visited the island before me and my dad's bar bills had broken all previously held records. I thought he was looking a bit ashen when he met me off the plane. So I showed him my wad of cash and also promised faithfully that I would put petrol in the car. John Fail shall be named as the man who poured my first shipwreck so you can all blame him!
The day of the Dew Pond Run arrived and feeling guilty I sat on the patio in my nightie, clutching my Lucozade and crunching on my Nurofen as I watched all these completely mad people running past. In fact I felt so guilty that I was compelled to do my own Dew Pond Run and asked Dad to drive me up the mountain. I am not silly enough to run UP it! I hummed the 'Sound of Music' as I broke both knees coming down the ramps, cursing myself for forgetting my camera. Oh No! I had got the walking bug, next stop four miles to North East Bay. This walking downhill isn't so bad, I said as he picked me up at the Ariane site. It also helps if you have an obliging Dad who drives you back uphill! Another walk to North East Bay and OUCH! Medic, two medics, I'm hurt bad - the left ankle, only used to depressing left clutch pedal, has gone on strike. As I sat in my usual pew at the Senior Mess that night, a strange man approched, lifted my left foot into his lap and started to undo my shoe. "Help, should I be letting this man do this", I cried. Perhaps this was another strange custom peculiar to Ascension Island. USO (Unsweetened Orange Juice) Merrick assured me that it was in fact the PTI holding Open Surgery at the Senior Mess.
Unable to walk far due to the ankle and not the shipwrecks, I hit the beach and on getting rather hot I decided to go for a swim. I had forgotten about the blackfish and decided to paddle instead. "Relation to the Piranha you know" said my father conversationally. It was to be a day of finding out about the 'Fauna' of Ascension. After having an unwelcome guest in the car (locust) I was lucky enough to find a centipede under my suitcase. My father came running into the bedroom as I stood on a chair and screamed loudly. He apparently thought I was being murdered. "Don't be such a baby mum" sighed Sian, rolling her eyes. A mention of the 'beasties' on Ascension is incomplete without a mention of our friend the 'Mosquito'. Have you noticed that the word Mosquito is synonymous with the word Grenade? People jump around, slapping their legs and generally causing havoc with the nerve agent gas also knoiwn as MOD fly spray Mark One! It is guaranteed to kill a human at three paces but the mosquito must sit there breathing deeply, saying "hey man, give me another hit, you hear what I'm saying"!
Onto the Flora of Ascension Island. Falling into bed after discovering the delights of shipwrecks, I bent down to undo my shoelaces and howled in pain as 500 'Double G's' embedded themselves in my left hand. 'Double G's' is the polite term for them but I can think of at least 10 impolite ones. In fact I think the boys in blue call them 'ouchy twats'! Being an adult (who said that?) I know the colours red and yellow in nature spell danger. My son and his friend obviously did not as they were having a great time bursting 'yellow flower bombs' on each other foreheads. This had the same effect of 15 packets of smarties, 4 fizzy drinks and a line of cocaine. "No darling, please don't do that" I said as James' eyeballs disappeared into the back of his head!
Enough of my ramblings. This Whitey from Blighty is sadly homeward bound very soon but will be returning tanned relaxed and very, very happy - note this another term for shipwrecked! Thank You to all the new friends and old, the hospitality has been wonderful. You never know, you may see me back again. I'll pose for the WANTED posters now! Last but not least thanks to my long suffering parents Jim and Pat Anderson and thanks for paying my bar bill dad!
So there you have it Jane. The 'polite' version of my bar room brawling on ASI where I also fell in love with The Gits dad and managed to climb The Exiles balcony, wearing 4 inch heels, ignoring the fact that I was 30 feet up and could expire at any moment! We had no air conditionng, no TV, no mobile phones and no Internet. The St Helenans are wonderful and my 23 and 26 year old children can still do the accent. My 26 yr old daughter, Sian keeps in touch with her childhood friends that landed in the UK.
Have a wonderful time.
Muse x
No comments:
Post a Comment