This blog has become a bit 'mumsy' of late and whilst my kids are a big part of my life they are not the whole of me. I wanted to talk about sex and what people out there actually want. I wonder if I can do that in a lady like manner, very much doubt it, but I'll give it a go. Those of you just about to eat your dinner may look away now!
A lot of women (and men) read magazines, most of which are full of hype about 'how to turn her on' or 'how to satisfy him' and I wonder how many of these articles are actually written by real people. I strongly suspect that they are penned by bored journalists trying to spice up the cover and increase circulation figures. Failing that we are a nation of FAKERS!
In my experience, lets just say that (oh god, how do I put this delicately) the average bloke only knows which way is up and which way is down! Feck it, (to steal the words of another) pass me the shovel! Actually, todays man is a poor confused soul who has to live up to the expectations and desires of an entirely selfish, dominant female press. Likewise, todays female has had words like G Spot and Orgasm drilled into her mercilessly until she actually believes the hype.
So lets start with Mr Metro sexual/modern/in touch with my feminine side (I bloody hate that phrase) man...whatever you want to call him. These guys are full of their own bravado, telling you, they are fantastic in bed and really know how to turn a woman on. Really? Erm...I don't think so. I have to say that when you come across a 'bragger'. leave him alone and move on! They think they know which side is up but rarely do and will disappoint you and leave you wondering why? you let him into your bed in the first place!
Then you get the kind and caring romantic guy, who promises to treat you gently, with love and care. Ummm... no thanks to that one as well guys, sex is a primal urge, an emotive, passionate act between two people, not a flipping scene from a cheesy Hollywood Movie.
Okay lets try and balance this out a bit. The females have a lot to answer for too! Whilst they are, generally not as vociferous in their sexual exploits as the male of the species ,I have to ask a scary question, scary because I am ducking low to avoid the insults coming my way! How many of you girls out there a responsible for FAKING it? Come on own up, the members of the 'oh, if I fake it, he'll just get it over with' club. Well, ladies, you are the reason so many guys are crap in the sack! See.. told you it was impossible to talk about this in a demure manner!
What happens is he spends about seven and a half minutes on foreplay, she fakes it and he thinks he is a sex god. Not good! You can forgive the poor guy for not being able to understand how to please her in bed. Oh that terrible phrase 'please her', actually I thought sex was a two way thing.
This brings us neatly to what is known as the 'Catch 22' situation. You're darned it you do and darned if you don't! I am sooo...not going to discuss my sexual leanings with you but I think the best policy to adopt is throw all Sad Mags away and bloody be honest! We are supposed to be grown ups but alas my name is not Dr Ruth and I can barely find my own way through the sexual minefield that is the modern dating world, but I am sure as hell going to stop talking about it and try and find someone who agrees with me!
A lot of women (and men) read magazines, most of which are full of hype about 'how to turn her on' or 'how to satisfy him' and I wonder how many of these articles are actually written by real people. I strongly suspect that they are penned by bored journalists trying to spice up the cover and increase circulation figures. Failing that we are a nation of FAKERS!
In my experience, lets just say that (oh god, how do I put this delicately) the average bloke only knows which way is up and which way is down! Feck it, (to steal the words of another) pass me the shovel! Actually, todays man is a poor confused soul who has to live up to the expectations and desires of an entirely selfish, dominant female press. Likewise, todays female has had words like G Spot and Orgasm drilled into her mercilessly until she actually believes the hype.
So lets start with Mr Metro sexual/modern/in touch with my feminine side (I bloody hate that phrase) man...whatever you want to call him. These guys are full of their own bravado, telling you, they are fantastic in bed and really know how to turn a woman on. Really? Erm...I don't think so. I have to say that when you come across a 'bragger'. leave him alone and move on! They think they know which side is up but rarely do and will disappoint you and leave you wondering why? you let him into your bed in the first place!
Then you get the kind and caring romantic guy, who promises to treat you gently, with love and care. Ummm... no thanks to that one as well guys, sex is a primal urge, an emotive, passionate act between two people, not a flipping scene from a cheesy Hollywood Movie.
Okay lets try and balance this out a bit. The females have a lot to answer for too! Whilst they are, generally not as vociferous in their sexual exploits as the male of the species ,I have to ask a scary question, scary because I am ducking low to avoid the insults coming my way! How many of you girls out there a responsible for FAKING it? Come on own up, the members of the 'oh, if I fake it, he'll just get it over with' club. Well, ladies, you are the reason so many guys are crap in the sack! See.. told you it was impossible to talk about this in a demure manner!
What happens is he spends about seven and a half minutes on foreplay, she fakes it and he thinks he is a sex god. Not good! You can forgive the poor guy for not being able to understand how to please her in bed. Oh that terrible phrase 'please her', actually I thought sex was a two way thing.
This brings us neatly to what is known as the 'Catch 22' situation. You're darned it you do and darned if you don't! I am sooo...not going to discuss my sexual leanings with you but I think the best policy to adopt is throw all Sad Mags away and bloody be honest! We are supposed to be grown ups but alas my name is not Dr Ruth and I can barely find my own way through the sexual minefield that is the modern dating world, but I am sure as hell going to stop talking about it and try and find someone who agrees with me!
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