Unsuitible Men

13.9.09

About 6 weeks ago I took a deep breath and joined a dating site. I would never, in a million years have thought I would voluntarily do this, but since smashing my arm it rattled my cage so hard that I vowed to grab life with both hands and live it.

Creating my profile was the hardest thing I have ever written. How do you talk about yourself without sounding arrogant or full of the smelly stuff?? I awoke next morning to 80 mails...Wow! How did that happen? I think the term 'fresh meat' springs to mind. I settled down to peruse my list of prospective suitors....

Oh god what a motley lot. How DARE they mail me. Too young, too fat, ewww to old, too ugly etc..etc...Why has that guy put his wedding picture up? No! I do NOT do tattoos. I even had a couple from married men asking for no strings sex, ha! why would I even look at you, I could get that anywhere.

Then I suddenly realised I was being a foot stamping monster with a very large ego. How did I become so shallow anyway? Well, in my defence, I looked after myself, went to the hairdressers, didn't eat all the pies and worried about my weight and I have to admit I was looking fit. That still didn't give me the right to Lord it over those less fortunate than me. So I sat down and politely mailed them all back saying thanks but no thanks. At least I won't actually go straight to hell now I said to myself.

Well I may not go straight to hell but the abuse I got from those I turned down was awful. The chap with a bald head, grey straggly pony tail and tattoos asked me why I had turned him down as he could have any woman he wanted. REALLY, oh I see, you are obviously the only man on a woman only kibbutz then! So now when I get a mail from an unsuitable man I read and delete and think nothing more of it. Call it self preservation if you like!

I am now 6 weeks in, I have received nearly 400 mails and have been on 5 dates and it has been hilarious. Thank god I have a sense of humour. The first date was the very hot 32 year old school teacher, also part time model. Oh man he was beautiful. Unfortunately every other woman in the room thought so too and kept hitting on him. He could not stay away from a mirror, I mean anything would do, cutlery, a window, shiny plant pot....call me old fashioned but I do not want to fight a man for a mirror!

Next date was with a soft spoken Irish man, he was erm...28, no excuse for that one I'm afraid. Ex professional dancer, now an events manager. He drove up from London. The less said about that one the better! Onto the 38 year old fireman, not an ordinary fireman but boss fireman. Wow he was stunning. Picked me up at the station in his red car with blue light ( I wasn't impressed) and drove me to his beautiful barn conversion, cooked me dinner, kissed me softly ( I was impressed!) and then I spent the rest of the night holding on to big burly fireman whilst he cried over his ex! It can only happen to me!

The 32 year old Mental Health Nurse, who was tall, dark, handsome and as mad as a badger! Finally the 31 year old surfer (yeah, I know, I know...it wasn't my fault honest, he had been chasing me for a month) who spoke in a different language, kept grabbing me and kissing me at odd moments and had absolutely nothing between his ears. There is a lesson to be learned from all this. Do not go for the pretty boys and find someone who has a similar background to you!

I am actually talking to someone at the moment so I will keep you updated (or not if it turns out to be successful). In the meantime beware ladies, its a jungle out there!