Shameful Trojans

I am grumpy - very bloody grumpy. In fact I may have to pick this computer up and hurl it through the window. I am obviously a stupid blond bint as I had the audacity to get a TROJAN! Feck, feck, feck! Oh the shame! I never even got to look at any porn sites and I GOT A TROJAN. The Trojan in question has so far taken three days of my precious time. I finally decided that I was bored looking at the laptop trying to boot up and finally contacted Penfold. Why DO people use laptops anyway? They are sooo...slow. I really do not get Laptops. Nothing but trouble if you ask me.

My problem is, I have been driving 'putes for about 25 years and have forgotten more than I have been taught. This means I have avoided all mentions of back ups, fragmenting discs and completely side stepped anything involving stuff that will delay me getting on with what I want to do. I asked my Pa to look at it a couple of days ago.

'You haven't done any back ups in THREE years...'
'You haven't deleted any files...'
'For Gods sake Lynette, you know about this stuff...'

OUCH! He used my 'given'....this means I am in the shit! I mumbled something about not knowing how to do these things and he walked away in disgust and threw a Windows Vista book at me. Can't say I blame him!

I drive a computer much in the same way as I drive a car. Impatiently, changing gears often and spouting lots of really really bad words beginning with the letter C. You are talking to 'Ms Road Rage' here. All that know me understand that I do not swear unless I am driving the 'pute or the car! I am bloody lucky to be alive considering that I have pulled at least two 6ft blokes out of their cars for cutting me up. I just cannot help it. I am usually a reasonable person but all that goes out of the window in the driving seat.

Cue Penfold. He dealt with my Trojan for two hours over the phone. I am in bits. I could no longer concentrate so he left me to it and we have round two tomorrow. Luckily Penfold does this for a living. Erm...what he actually does is deal with lots of impatient and utterly stupid people trying to cut corners and whinging when they end up in the Doo, Doo! He tells me there is money to be made doing this. Frankly my Dear, I wouldn't care if they paid me a million quid and hour for doing what he does because I would haul 'em out of their stupid leather computer chairs and bang their heads against their 19 inch touch screen!

In my defense I had to take The Git to the Dentist today.

Ms Stressy Knickers AKA Muse x

PS Thanks Penfold.